Every New Year, the Dog Star (Sirius) reaches its midnight culmination…its zenith in our night sky. Sirius, in the constellation Canis Major (the Great Dog), is the brightest star in our sky and has always been significant to many cultures that look to the sky for messages. The Ancient Egyptians saw it as a symbol of Anubis, the jackal-headed neter of the afterlife, who guided the souls of the dead to cross over safely. In the Egyptian Book of the Dead, Anubis was the psychopomp (soul guide) the dead called upon in order to pass safely into the afterlife. Though I wasn’t aware of it at first, because I had to go through some days of intense grieving before I could see the signs, Bill’s soul chose for his body to die at this auspicious and widely celebrated time for good reason. The soul agreement we made earlier last year had come to realization in a very big way. He knew I would see it written in the stars and remember to help him cross over…that I would remember everything, in fact, that we had talked about concerning his death.
He knew there would have to be two ceremonies. His family would gather themselves and his friends at their church in Laurens for a funeral, respecting tradition while simultaneously honoring the unique expression of his life. They did that quite beautifully, indeed.
He also knew he wanted to be cremated. When I asked if he would be kept in an urn or if his ashes would be scattered somewhere he said ‘I don’t want to be in an urn on someone’s mantle. And I don’t want my ashes in just one place either. I should be scattered in a bunch of different places, I think.” When I asked if he knew where, he didn’t know yet. He said he’d get back to me on that, though he never did. He only mentioned one place, but he didn’t know the name of it…so it was hard to understand where it was. I really wasn’t asking these questions to keep a record of it for his death. We were just talking and sharing both of our ideas of what we’d want to have happen if we died.
But one thing was clear, and that was that he didn’t want a lot of crying, mourning, and grieving. He never wanted to affect anyone’s life in a negative way. So he wanted there to be a celebration after the funeral, and he knew his ‘Farmily’ of friends would understand that and make it happen. He wanted more smiles than sobs, more laughter than sadness, more remembrance of good times shared than regrets or guilt about the should-have-done’s.
And so we made that happen. After leaving the funeral, we went to Hidden Acres Music Farm for a couple of hours to enjoy the place where Bill brought us all together the past few years. Some gathered around the fire Ed created, some walked around the property, some gathered at the Spirit Center as well as in the Silo. Smokin’ Joe Scarpellino played some songs around the campfire as fire spinners performed, and it felt like a cloud was being lifted. We were finding our peace, together again.
Later we gathered at Alta’s Community Center for a sacred circle ceremony. I told everyone that it was Bill’s encouragement that allowed me to lead such ceremonies for large groups. Before knowing him, I kept my practices mostly to myself…helping only a select few, usually one at a time. I’ve always been a healer in subtle ways…but Bill saw it in me and brought it out into the open, no matter the initial discomfort I felt about ‘letting my light shine’ in such a public way. He knew that I could help more people this way, and in doing so, they could help me blossom rapidly into the healer I was becoming. And that’s exactly what he made happen, a friendly push for which I’ll always be grateful.
I told this large circle of friends that Bill was raised with a strong Christian background, and he never lost that faith…it was always strong with him. He understood that faith in such a positive way that it allowed him to embrace anyone…no matter their beliefs. It allowed him to see the undercurrents of oneness within many beliefs, and that love and acceptance is important no matter our differences. I also grew up with a Christian background, as many do growing up in the heartland. Later on, I studied many more religions and also found the interconnectedness that flowed between belief systems. I realized my understanding was always a little more open than what Christianity itself had come to allow, and so I embraced eclectic paganism…a very inclusive spirituality that is unique to each individual. In marrying my husband, who is a Christian, we have learned that inter-spirituality is one of the most harmonious understandings of humanity that we could ever express. And we embody that love and acceptance, showing it to others…that it’s not only possible, it’s essential to peace and happiness.
I’m telling you this because I made it clear to everyone in the circle that all beliefs are welcome, accepted, and appreciated. The sacred circles that I create for large groups are for protection and containment of energy only, not for initiations into my own ways. We were surrounding ourselves with heightened spiritual energy, and all forms of Spirit were welcome within our sacred space.
When we were safe inside the circle, where only love could enter and only love could emerge, we prepared for a shamanic journey. I explained that the intention they should carry with them for this journey would be to say farewell to Bill and encourage him to cross over. Then I explained that I would be journeying to the Land of the Dead in order to guide his soul directly to where he needed to go. This is my journey….
Psychopompic Journey at Bill’s Soul Release Ceremony
by Felina Lune Kavi
Beautiful souls gathered around us in the sacred circle we cast in honor of our friend, Bill Hertz. Diana's dog, Kita, was our watchdog within the circle while 11 of us performed the ceremonial tasks of ensuring the strength of the sphere of protection around us. After some introduction to what was about to happen, everyone rested themselves around the circle with their heads pointed inward. My husband, Michael, drummed the Eagle Beat as I rested with my head pointed toward the Spirit Candle in the center. In my giving hand, I held a satchel of tsentsak (a rattle from a rattlesnake given to me by a goddess named Ronnie upon leaving the last festival at Hidden Acres, a small owl carved of agate given to me after a journey last year from my dear friend and fellow shamanic practitioner Sue, a silver Jaguar coin from my husband, and a Hawk’s Eye stone my husband just got for me before making the trip back to Iowa). In my receiving hand, I held a small bag filled with herbs and healing intentions that I prepared at Next Millennium’s Midsummer rite last year.
I allowed the drum to carry me to Hidden Acres Music Farm. I began in the Spirit Center, where many acts of love and healing have been performed in the recent past. I gathered some of the joy and spiritual wealth of the earth upon which my soul stood…like the four-leaved clovers buried beneath by Andrea were surging through my soul as protection for this journey. Then I walked to the fire circle, where we often gathered for so many sacred circles, campfire performances, or warmth. I was alone, but Ed’s fire was still smoldering from earlier in the day when we gathered at his farm. Without hesitation, I jumped into the embers and ashes.
I was immediately thrust into the river that often cleanses me at the start of my journey through the lower world. The water was warm and smelled sweet this time, like lotus flowers. After I came out upon the bank of the river, Jaguar was there waiting. With his power to shape-shift, I suddenly had on the clothes and adornments of my own Spirit Guide, a gypsy I often call Dejavu (though her true name is my secret). Still wearing purple, but now with bells and coins and many more crystals. It went without saying that Jaguar and I agreed that Bill would expect me in this way.
Jaguar led me to the forest. The jingling of my gypsy adornments seemed to awaken life all around us. The trees could hear me coming, and whispered to the animals within. Great Horned Owl flew down from her watchtower tree as we reached the opening into the forest. She flew overhead and in front of us to guide the way. But soon, it was apparent to me that they could go no further. I was on my own, which meant I was about to enter the Land of the Dead.
The trees began to disappear all around me. The ground started to gray. I looked behind me. The forest was gone. There was only a wall of gray rock as I noticed the jagged expanse of a great mountain. When I turned back around, I saw that I was on the edge of a cliff with Bill standing before a rainbow’s end.
He tried to smile at me, but it came across as a grimace of embarrassment. His skin was as gray as the rock on which we stood; his thin frame even thinner. His clothes hung from his limbs, ragged and loose.
“It’s okay. I’m here to help you…like I promised.” I told him which seemed to ease some discomfort.
“I’m stuck here.” He told me, and then all of his worries began spilling forth. “I don’t know which way to go! I mean, they were telling me to go up…but how can I? I tried climbing the mountain but I keep sliding back down to here. I have no strength to get there!”
“Did you try going up this rainbow?” I asked. “That seems a lot easier than climbing, doesn’t it?”
“No. It doesn’t.” He said, looking at me as if I were crazy. “I can’t do that.”
“I’m here to tell you that you can. I can help if you’d like.”
“Look down there! I know I would fall…I’m heavier than I look.” He said as fear washed over his face. I looked below us. The rocks were steep and jagged and a dark river raged far below. I could make out flailing limbs and heads of other dead souls struggling in the river below. “I don’t want to be like them. They don’t understand they’re dead.”
“Bill, you won’t fall. You’re not meant to fall, you’re meant to follow this rainbow. You see that portal up there?” I said, pointing to a filmy and translucent swirl surrounding the middle of the rainbow. “That’s where you can cross over.”
“I can’t.” He said. Then he got distracted. “Is that Ed snoring…?” His voice trailed off. He seemed to fade in and out for several moments. Then I noticed he was trying to communicate, but not with me. The sounds he made were indecipherable to me. This part is hard to explain, but he looked as if he was on a screen that kept changing channels.
When he was present again, he was happier. He was no longer in his loose and ragged clothing. He wore a long white robe that I recognized from a time that he described a man he saw at a show the year before, an older man that looked like what he wished to look like one day. His smile was gentle, and he appeared stronger than before. I wondered if the farewell intentions of the others in the circle had just reached him. He seemed ready to be released from his fear.
“Are you ready to cross?” I asked him.
“I am, but there’s something else first.” He said. Then he reached both hands into each pocket. He opened his left hand and a small light flickered. The light was in the shape of a dragonfly. It flew up and out of his hand and into my bag. “That’s Megan’s. Please give it back to her. I didn’t realize it until I came here, but she gave it to me when I was at a very low point in my life. She didn’t know she was giving it to me, she just wanted to help me.”
“I know. It happens.” I said, understanding that it was a fragment of her soul. “She needs this back more than ever right now.”
Bill nodded. Then he opened his right hand. Music poured out of his palm, and though I couldn’t see it…I could hear it float into my bag.
“That belongs to Joe.” He said. “I never meant to take it from him. I don’t know how I did. I just cared about him a lot…and I guess I wanted to take a piece of him with me when I left Iowa City. Please return it to him.”
“I will.” I said. “It’s a song?”
“It’s a beautiful song.” He said.
I smiled. “Now you’re ready?”
He nodded and smiled back. There was still a little fear on his face when he looked below, so I held out my hand. He grasped it and we began to float up the rainbow. Once he realized that it was going to be okay, his hand relaxed a little. His body felt lighter. He even laughed a little. Then we stopped before we reached the portal.
“I can take it from here.” He said. “And thank you…for everything. Everyone gathered there in the circle…and everyone I’ve ever loved wishing me well in their own ways…it’s exactly what I needed. Love really is all you need.”
We both smiled. He was radiant now. His soul was about to be transformed into pure consciousness again.
“We love you, Bill.” I said. “Now go make things happen like you’ve always wanted to do.”
“Phodeph.” His last message to me was an inside joke that made me laugh at the sound of it. In his time spent living at our house last year, he came up with the word as a replacement for an overused ‘for sure’.
Then he turned to face the portal, and passed through.
When I came back to my body, I went to Megan first and blew her soul fragment back into her. Then I went to Joe and did the same. Michael sounded the call back, and everyone returned.
After releasing the circle, many of us went outside. The night air was refreshing. Someone looked up and saw that a circular halo surrounded the moon. The Cold Moon was nearly full in Cancer (sign of home and family). Everyone was amazed at the sight. Some of us are aware that halos and moon dogs are formed by light’s interplay with ice crystals in the sky, but we were no less amazed by the beauty and deeper meaning we could all glean from the rare phenomenon of that night.
Bill was finally at rest in a place he could truly call Home.
